The smell of gingerbread and hot chocolate, the twinkling colorful lights of the Christmas tree in the corner, laughter and chatter filling the air — the Christmas spirit is here.

That’s how the holidays are described, but it’s really only like that in the movies.

The holidays are always presented as time to spend with your family and friends, to have a happy spirit, and to be grateful for all that you have. It sounds nice, but sometimes it isn’t like that at all. The holidays can be the loneliest times. When you see the happiness that others radiate, or seem to radiate, it can cause many sorrowful feelings that others say don’t belong in the “happiest time of the year”.

Sometimes I don’t like the holidays. They can bring up bad memories and cause stress and anxiety. While I do enjoy some aspects of the holidays, the bad tends to outweigh the good, making me feel very lonely. It becomes just another time to watch others enjoying a fulfilling life, going out with friends, and spending time with family, while I sit at home and my mom and sister go about doing their own things. When I express my unhappiness, I’m often met with judgment and told I shouldn’t feel sad because, “You’re getting gifts” and “You sound ungrateful.”

What many people miss is that when you are lonely or sad, material things won’t fill the hole you feel. When I feel like that, I need to spend time with people I care about who I know care about me. Unfortunately, it isn’t always possible because they are busy, they live too far away, or I am not allowed.

When this happens, I feel bratty, like I should be focusing on all the good things, and that indulging in these feelings is my fault. But feeling this way isn’t a crime. The holidays aren’t all happy, smiles, and laughter. Sometimes stress gets to you, sometimes you are alone, and it’s OK to acknowledge that. The holidays don’t suddenly make our feelings disappear, so why should we have to hide them?

When you notice family or friends feeling blue during the holidays, do your best to support them, show them that you will be there for them. Even if they don’t take you up on your offer, they will always appreciate it.